1^st Peter Chapter Three

1 Peter 3:1-2 (All verses from the English Standard Version)

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Holiness at Home

Wives be subject to your husbands

Likewise…

In the same way servants ought to be subject to their masters, enduring suffering even though they may be innocent, as Jesus suffered under the Jewish hierarchy and under Pilate, wives ought to be subject to their own husbands. Although conventional wisdom has made it that we collectively try to alleviate workplace harassment and abuse as well as spousal abuse, the Holy Spirit does not seem as concerned for the elimination of this evil as He does in our response to it as Christians. We ought to seek help from the Lord in these situations as opposed to relying on the government to do it for us. There’s nothing wrong in appealing to the government for protection from injustice, as even Paul sought to do (Acts 25:11), but our suffering has such a deep spiritual purpose that we need to seek the Lord through it that we may find meaning in it, being mindful of the suffering Jesus endured for us.

By the conduct of their wives…

Christian wives will win over their non-believing husbands by being holy, not by being like the world. I know of instances when things have gotten ugly between sisters and their non-believing husbands. Some husbands have threatened their wives; others have kicked them out of their homes! Some have even endured physical and certainly emotional abuse and neglect for the sake of the Gospel! But guess what? The husbands that eventually obeyed the Lord were won over by the holy conduct of their wives, not because they in turn were threatened with a lawsuit or divorce.

You may be tempted to tell a sister who is enduring spousal abuse to run away from home or seek legal counsel or the police. That is not the spirit that I see here. The best counsel is for them to continue to love their husbands as Jesus loved us – to the point of being nailed on a cross!

Peter makes it a point to mention that what becomes very important in this scenario is not the preaching using your mouth, but the conduct of the wife:

1- How she will react to being threatened

a. Will she yell back?

b. Will she curse him?

c. Will she hold it against him?

2- What will she do when abused

a. Will she stop serving him?

b. Will she hold herself back from loving him?

c. Will she stop going to church?

d. Will she give up her relationship with God?

The faithful wife knows it is the devil and his cronies who wreaking havoc in her home and will not shrink back but continue to step forward in the Lord with love, gentleness and humility. She will not only continue to serve her husband in love, but will continue to respect him even though she or others may think he is not worthy of it. She will continue to be pure in heart and mind although her unbelieving husband has embraced impurity. This is how the wife’s faith is tested and grown in the sight of the Lord.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Let your beauty come from your gentleness and quietness of spirit

We live in a society that focuses on the external. We are always judging a book by its cover. As disciples of Jesus we shouldn’t fall prey to that mindset but help people understand that what God values is on the inside – what is unseen at first glance. We can do this by having the attitude of wearing our beauty on the inside and showing it with our humility and service – with our gentleness of spirit considered precious in the sight of God. I believe this concept applies to us all, not just women (although the instruction here specifically refers to women). I see this attitude in Jesus as well – something for all disciples to conform. The Spirit spoke to Paul similar words:

1 Timothy 2:9-10 ESV likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works.

How you dress, your speech and mannerism can influence men towards holiness or sin. If you profess to worship God then let it be shown in the way you dress, your behavior and your deeds. Women who are disciples shouldn't have to be repeatedly addressed about their attire or their attitude, unless their faith is hypocritical!

Peter and Paul mention some specifics of attire here: the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry. What’s the implication? That these things are wrong to wear? If that is so then many of you have already sinned, right? Peter simply is stating that your adorning should be coming more from the inside than the outside. You shouldn’t just be a nice beautifully decorated empty box. It is better to be a plain brown paper wrapped box with treasure inside than a nice beautiful box with nothing in it, or worse, with bad and nasty things inside!

To focus only on what you wear on the outside draws attention to your body as opposed to your Lord. You want to catch a man? Display your good works and your humility to be able to catch a godly man if that is what you desire! Godly men will be attracted by gentleness and quietness of spirit, not by a showy display of your private garden (Song 4:12ff)!

Dress in such a way that doesn't make you bashful, in all decency. Have self-respect! Only display yourself to your husband! Let him only delight in your garden! How would you dress if you knew Jesus was going to be with you? Dress appropriately. Dress for Jesus, not for success or to entice or provoke someone!

So, how should a woman adorn herself?

Externally:

1- With respectable apparel

2- With modesty and self control

3- With good works

Internally:

1- Having a gentle and quiet spirit

2- Submitting to your husband

Not expensively, not to call attention. Not to display status, wealth or importance. Don't be concerned with brand names or labels. Be concerned with the label of Jesus’ blood you carry that is your righteousness.

Does this mean you cannot wear a necklace, rings or braided hair? Of course not. What matters most is the attitude and your motives for dressing a certain way. Consider the woman of Proverbs 31:

Proverbs 31:21-22 ESV She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

This woman dresses elegantly and shows herself to be an excellent wife! This woman makes her dress, the dress doesn’t make her!

1 Peter 3:5-6

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

I know women who follow Jesus and hear His voice desire to be holy, like God is holy. Their concern for loyalty to Jesus is expressed by how they set themselves apart from the world in the matters discussed here by the Holy Spirit. They show their holiness above all by submitting to their husbands. By doing so they always find themselves dressing appropriately and modestly, not focusing on the external, or better yet, thinking about the external things with sobriety. Women who are not concerned about submitting to their husbands or to the Lord Jesus (in the case of single women) are the ones who find themselves dressing provocatively and inappropriately, being loud and forceful. Their priorities are mixed up! I am not bringing up these things to make you feel guilty, but rather to help you think spiritually (logikos = reasonable; from Rom 12:1 and 1 Pe 2:2). You should want to do this as an expression of thankfulness to God and abhorrence towards the world. If you do these things out of guilt (under compulsion) it may end up not pleasing God at all since He desires for us to worship Him sincerely and cheerfully (2Co 9:7; Phm 1:14; 1Pe 5:2) – in genuineness of spirit and in love for the truth.

What makes you holy is your attitude: your gentleness, respectfulness, quietness of spirit and submissiveness. That will make your attire, actions and speech holy as well. Let your inner spirit and your good works be what makes you different (holy), not what you wear or where you live. I think this applies to our dwellings as well and how we often focus on decorating them a certain way. I also think many men focus too much on what they drive and how their transportation needs to be of a certain make or model. This focus gets us carried away with being concerned about the external things and we lose ourselves in the form of things rather than soberly thinking about their function. Often our attire, dwellings, transportation and even technology can become powerful symbols used for manipulation. What really happens is that they end up controlling us and leaving us rather empty inside.

Women can use their beauty and charm for the glory of God or for the glory of self. Gen 2:18 says God created woman to be the helper of the man. The helper is an aid, helping the man to accomplish the work he needs to do. God created the woman to help the man, not to hinder him. What makes holy women holy is that they understand this and therefore submit to their husbands in everything.

King Ahab had a very influential wife named Jezebel. In 1Ki 21:25 we see how Ahab lets himself be influenced by his wife in completely negative ways. Joshua 6:26 and 1Ki 16:31-34 show how Ahab disobeys God and suffers the penalty of God’s curse. This woman Jezebel was a bad influence in Ahab's life. Jezebel kills all the prophets of the Lord (1Ki 18:4). Ahab never takes the lead and allows himself to be led by her. In 1Ki 19:2 she swears to kill Elijah. What a vicious and ungodly woman!

Do you want to be like Jezebel or like Esther? Esther was able to use her influence to do good to the people of God. She influenced her king towards holiness in all humility and propriety, serving him as her Lord since she feared God. While Jezebel feared everything and lashed out reactively, Esther did not fear anything and carefully calculated her responses. What a difference!

Do not fear anything…

It is interesting that women are encouraged to not fear anything that is frightening. I personally think women are more prone to frightfulness than men are. Perhaps it is a gender difference like the weaker vessel Peter points out. Women who fear will not be able to even trust their husbands, much less see them as their lord. When you fear people and things you are not in control – your fear is. Fear makes you react emotionally, not soberly. Peter recalls Sarah did not fear anything. Perhaps this is because:

· She followed Abraham when he left Ur

· When Pharaoh wanted her and took her into his house without her husband by her side

· She followed faithfully throughout their many journeys and wanderings, even though at times the peoples nearby were very wicked

· She was not afraid of having children at such an old age

· She trusted in the Lord as she trusted her husband

This is said of her even though she might have shown some fear when dealing with Hagar and her son Ishmael and even though she laughed at God’s promise of having her own son. Because she overcame these weaknesses she is still remembered with honor!

Women who walk after Jesus are Sarah’s children if they focus on doing good:

If you are married:

1- Submit to your husband in everything

2- Be his helpmeet

3- Help him see the Lord in your purity and respect

If you are single:

1- Focus on being adorned by good works in the church and in your community

2- Dress for Jesus!

3- Use your womanly influence to help others see Jesus by your purity and respect

1 Peter 3:7

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Husbands be considerate with your wives

Likewise…

Remember how Peter used this word, likewise, at the beginning of the chapter to continue describing how we need to imitate Jesus’ attitude while He suffered under the Jews and Romans? In the same way servants (employees, workers) were encouraged to be subject to their masters (bosses, supervisors), (enduring suffering even though they may be innocent, as Jesus suffered under the Jewish hierarchy and under Pilate) and wives were encouraged to be subject to their own husbands especially if their husbands were not Christians or if they thought they were excused from being subject to them because they were being unjust or unfair. There will be unjust suffering in any kind of close, intimate relationship here on earth because we are not perfect. Our suffering, however, can have a deep spiritual purpose of we seek the Lord through it and find meaning in it, being mindful of the suffering Jesus endured for us. Paul considered suffering innocently to be a fellowship with Jesus (Phil 3:10).

Husbands are likewise to live patiently and gracefully with their wives. Husbands are to:

1- Live with their wives in an understanding (considerate) way

a. Understanding – (according to knowledge; with an intelligent recognition of the nature of the marriage relation). This is something I believe only people who fear God and seek Him will ever understand. God is the one who invented marriage so only in the scriptures can we find understanding when it comes to living with a wife.

b. It is a husband’s duty to teach his wife about marriage as Jesus has taught the church about her relationship with Him (Eph 5:25ff).

i. Husbands need to be the example of prayer, worship and holiness

ii. Husbands ought to set the example in everything that is done in their households

iii. Husbands are to lead in being understanding (considerate) of one another

c. When you live with another person you need to be considerate of them. To be considerate means to show kind awareness or regard for their feelings, circumstances, etc. (dictionary.com) To be considerate means to be deliberate in your treatment of someone. That implies careful consideration of your responses and actions, not reacting improperly or without careful reflection and prudence (shrewd management).

d. To live with understand of marriage is to understand the nature of God's relationship (covenants) with man. It is with a forgiving and merciful nature God treats those in His covenant.

2- Honor (respect) their wives as the weaker vessel

a. Vessel (skeuos) is a common Hebrew euphemism for the earthly body (2Co 4:7).

b. So the weakness attributed to the woman is not for intellectual or moral reasons, but purely for physical or emotional reasons, which the husband must recognize with due consideration for marital happiness.

c. Be considerate of their emotional and physical differences. Hear them out and consider the wisdom God has given them as your helper.

i. Be there to help them out with things that may physically or emotionally exhaust them

ii. Provide them with comfort and help when they feel tired or insecure

iii. Nurture them throughout the day with loving words and assurances

iv. Wash them with the word of God regularly – have bible studies together. Let her share with you the wisdom God has given her!

v. Pray with them and involve yourself with their schedule

vi. The husband is the head of the wife. The wife will seek out her husband as the church seeks its Lord, Jesus! If the husband is not there for his wife, will he expect his Lord to be there for him?

vii. Like Jesus is to the church the husband should be to his wife! If the husband is not willing to give up everything for his wife how then is he being like his Lord? He is more like the unmerciful servant and in danger of being cast out of the kingdom for being a hypocrite! (Mat 18:23-35)

viii. Husbands should love their wives as Jesus loved the church! (Eph 5:25ff)

d. She is to be honored by her husband – respected for who God made her – a co-heir in the eternal life to come.

3- Consider their wives as heirs together with them in the life to come

a. Her person is to be respected, regardless of her body

b. Husbands ought to treat their wives as heirs out of respect for them being children of God, daughters of the Father in Heaven and sisters to Jesus (Romans 8:17; Eph 3:6; Hebrews 2:11-18).

Failure to live up to this attitude of service can cause a husband’s prayer life to be ineffective. God will not stand for any man to have his prayers answered while treating his own wife with contempt and disrespect. That is hypocrisy!

1 Peter 3:8

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.

Holiness outside the Home

Living in harmony with one another

The Holy Spirit, throughout this letter, has emphasized how we ought to be holy as our Lord is holy. Through Peter the Spirit has specified how this holiness ought to show itself in the many ways we relate to others: outsiders, masters, husbands, wives and now each other in the church.

Unity is a big deal:

John 17:20-23 NIV "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23 I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Jesus spent some time praying for this. It is very important that we have unity of mind. I believe this comes by being prayer and worship, in spirit and truth. What are some things that prevent unity?

1- Indifference – lack of sympathy. Sympathy is defined as the harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another. It is the feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion. If all you care for is your own agenda, dismissing everyone around you as “wrong” or “out to get you” even when they do you good, you have taken the way of Cain described in Jude 1:10-16. Out of the attitude of indifference comes tolerance of sin and evil which leads to hate and murder; never mind slander, discord and division.

2- Selfishness /Idolatry – lack of brotherly love. When we become the center of our universe as opposed to depending on God not only are we selfish, but idolatrous. At the center of idolatry is the self-worship the Spirit describes in Colossians 2:16-23, particularly verse 23. This kind of religion elevates man-made rules above brotherly love. They focus on false humility and asceticism but have no value in restraining the flesh since the focus is on self and not on the Holy Spirit. The result of this idolatry is legalistic tendencies that promote judgment and separatism. Guilt and fear are the order of the day as opposed to brotherly love that comes from sympathy, tenderness and mercy – the fruit of love and freedom in Christ that come from worshipping in spirit and in truth.

3- Cruelty/Intolerance – lack of compassion/a tender heart. Jesus attributed coldness of heart to the increase of wickedness (Matthew 24:12). As people grow more and more tolerant of sin due to the indifference and selfishness that comes from idolatry their love will grow cold. Cruelty and intolerance will mark their ways. We see this in abortions and nursing homes: young and old discarded and abandoned. There are more laws protecting the criminals than the innocent. Discord and division become more rampant due to lack of love, the unifying force. All the more reason for us to heed to word of the Spirit in this letter from Peter to be holy, as our Lord is holy. Being merciful, graceful and having compassion are all fruit of the holiness in Jesus. Notice how I said being these things, not just doing them. Just because some people can show some compassion some of the time does not make them holy. In Christ the holiness is shows across the board. In Christ we are these things, we don’t just do them. It is easier to speak of them instead of doing them. John speaks of this worldly hypocrisy (1 John 3:11-20). You know you belong to the truth when you do these things because of who you’ve become in Jesus.

4- Pride – lack of a humble mind. You’ve probably heard this expression: “I is in the middle of pride and sin…” Pride is a result of presumption. Presumption, or guessing, leads to idolatry since it comes from the heart and your own understanding which is the opposite of trusting God with all your heart (Prov 3:5). People who are proud do not accept what they cannot understand since they are wholly leaning on their own presumptions and perceptions. Their mind becomes rigid and crystallized. A person suffering from this is held captive by their own heart and mind and will not conform to Jesus since they cannot renew their mind with the word of God. Instead, they will conform to what they can understand: the world. Pride makes you fearful – fearful of people. A humble mind that conforms to Jesus is free of fear because it learns to love. Perfect love casts out all fears… (1John 4:18).

The things mentioned in this verse after “unity of mind” are the antidote to protect us from being segregated and fragmented, clinging to clusters of like-mindedness because we seek the approval of men rather than God. These four things:

1- Sympathy

2- Brotherly love

3- Compassion

4- Humility

will protect us from divisiveness. Denominationalism and/or ecumenism is not real unity. They are a compromise to truth and the unity that can only come from being in Jesus. These are the result of not being humble, compassionate, loving and sympathetic. People who stick to groups like these do so out of fear and/or ignorance, not love. These groups emphasize exclusivity, not the inclusivity that makes the Gospel be what it is – freedom in Jesus! When our focus is prayer and worship we conform to Jesus rather than to the world and we are like Him in this world:

1 John 4:15-21 NIV If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17 In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Notice how the Spirit teaches here that love is made complete in us by letting go of fear. Fear is the fruit of idolatry. Freedom is the result of worshipping in spirit and in truth. Perfect love casts out all fear and shows we are one with Jesus.

John 13:34-35 NIV "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

The world will see the difference by our love for one another. If you are not cultivating this love in your home your attempts to show this outside the home will be hypocritical and will compromise your ministry. Make sure that love reigns in your home!

1 Peter 3:9

Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

When we strive to be holy, as our Lord is holy, filled with love and willing to suffer as our Lord did, we will not seek to avenge ourselves. Jesus never had a vengeful thought towards people while suffering under Pilate and the Pharisees.

To be a holy priest of Jesus means not being:

1. Vengeful – repaying evil for evil, seeking justice for yourself or others. “Giving them what they deserve.” Paul also wrote the same in Rom 12:17 and 1Thes 5:15. These thoughts, however proceed form the proverbs (Prov 20:22).

2. Hateful – reviling or cursing at people, even if it is in your head.

Walk with the King today and be a blessing

I remember hearing this radio show every morning as I went to work and it helped me create an attitude of ministry every day I went to work. Dr Cook’s short, deep and helpful insights from the word really made me focus and depend on the Lord. It made me pray fervently to be a blessing to everyone I was with that day. I was reminded to walk with the Lord and let Him be my King. As a result I couldn’t help but be a blessing to all around me, even if they reviled me.

Don’t let evil overcome you – overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:19-21 ESV Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." 20 To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

We are to be blessings even to our enemies. Then we will obtain the greatest blessing of being called children of God!

1 Peter 3:10-12

For "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

Lean on the Lord in the face of evil

These verses are a quote Psalm 34: 13-17:

Psalms 34:13-17 ESV Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. 14 Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. 15 The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry. 16 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 17 When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

Peter reminds the brothers that God is for those who do right. If your tongue gets you in trouble you may offend God enough that he won't hear your prayers. God is attentive to those who desire to holy. Being holy involves being able to control your tongue. Particularly here there is mention of:

1. Keeping your tongue from evil

a. Don’t slander

b. Don’t curse

c. Don’t malign

d. Don’t abuse

e. Don’t tease or joke to manipulate

2. Not speaking deceit

a. Don’t lie

b. Don’t misrepresent

c. Don’t deceive

d. Don’t be a hypocrite

James 3:6 ESV And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.

According to the Spirit in James, the tongue is the hardest thing to control. Our speech either justifies us as hypocrites or holy, for