Why is everybody so cranky? (Supplement to Enemies of the Mind Part 8)

We spoke about anger last time and noted that we will never bring about the righteous life that God requires for us (James 1:19-20) when we give full vent to our anger. Anger must be put away (Ephesians 4:31; Col 3:8) and dealt with correctly so that God’s plans for you may not be thwarted by your lack of self-control.

The Scriptures teach us:

Pro 22:24-25 ESV

(24) Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,

(25) lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Many of us have fallen already for this model of how to deal with the stress that accumulates. We don’t know how to deal rightly with the pressure and we “blow off a little steam”, we say. Anger is indeed overwhelming when you allow external circumstances “kindle” it.

Pro 27:4 ESV

(4) Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?

However, giving yourself to anger will get you into deeper trouble and leads to other sins:

Pro 29:22 ESV

(22) A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.

And also trouble for and between yourself and your loved ones:

Pro 30:33 ESV

(33) For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife.

We need to learn how to deal effectively with this emotion as with any other. We cannot be lead by them or be used by them, but learn from them and let them exercise our self-control.

We read in the Scripture how we need to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. So we can be in control and patience is the key. What continually challenges our patience is the kind of lifestyle we are allowing ourselves to live. Think about it: Why is everybody so stressed out and cranky around you? Why are we on such short fuses? If you go visit other cities in places that are more relaxed you will see the difference in people’s behaviors. Perhaps our hectic lives have something to do with it! Here in this part of the world we experience:

- Compressed Time: we are always competing with the clock

o Disconnectedness: We interface more with machines than with people and our attention spans for relationships suffer

o Fragmented Attention (many things competing for your attention)

- Competition: The build-up of little things makes you cranky for attention, time and space.

o Gimme, gimme, gimme attitude. (Want, want, and want) You want it fast and you want it now! You needed it yesterday!

o Human contact has been limited by technology. We give full vent of our emotions to inanimate things!

o We interface with computers most of the time.

- Convenience is what we expect – things to go right and smooth the first time.

o We don't like change, it is intimidating! When things don’t go as expected, we get angry!

o We take advantage of people or things because we are selfish and we think we are more important. We justify our actions in light of our needs.

- Complexities: too many choices for simple decisions

All these things, when not properly processed by our minds can become sources of stress, which when they accumulate, cause mental, emotional and spiritual strain. Stress is needed for survival and growth, but strain only causes us to snap and hurt.

Jam 1:2-8 ESV

(2) Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,

(3) for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

(4) And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

(5) If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

(6) But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

(7) For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;

(8) he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

As you can see from this passage, we need testing (stress) to produce maturity. At the same time we need wisdom to know how to deal effectively with the testing. The testing is designed to make us dependent on God for spiritual growth and maturity. If we don’t depend on God, we will be unstable people.

Instability of the mind is what causes you to be a target for the enemies of the mind. An unstable mind is produced when you reject God’s wisdom and try to deal with things on your own, which usually means being emotionally reactive as opposed to spiritually proactive.

This can cause you to be quick to anger and quick to speak our mind:

Pro 14:29 ESV

(29) Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

Pro 15:1 ESV

(1) A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

This, in turn, can cause more sin and strife to happen:

Pro 15:18 ESV

(18) A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Wisdom helps you deal rightly with these emotions:

Pro 19:11 ESV

(11) Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Difference between stress and strain

We all need some stress in our life to be physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy and mature.

Without stress we would die for lack of strength.

What we can do without is strain. You all know what happens when you strain a muscle right? Or when you strain your eyes? The muscle becomes useless for the time being because it gave out. It is exhausted and cannot be used until it recovers.

Stress can come from our job, our family or from personal convictions, thoughts or fears. If left un-moderated, these stresses can be converted to strain.

4 Stress Moderators

These moderators help us keep the stress in our life from become strain.

1- Autonomy: Autonomy is about choices. The more in control you feel about the choices that you are making, the more you are able to manage stress in a positive way; meaning, the stress in your life will actually help you conform more to Jesus. Those who feel pressed under someone’s thumb, or dominated by another person feels their choices are not their own and this weakens their ability to handle stress. God gives us freedom of choice to make decisions that will ultimately affect our eternity. He gives us choices, just like a good parent that trains their children to make their own choices in life, yet guides the child to discern what the better choices are. There are always good ones and bad ones. Autonomy is a gift granted by the Lord God Almighty and no one has the right to take that autonomy from you under the eyes of God.

2- Connectedness: How connected you are to positive, optimistic and encouraging people will strengthen your ability to handle stress to become more conformed to Jesus. God has the church connected to the best source of stress management there is. Through the building up of the body in love, in how we speak and fellowship and mentor one another we have one of the strongest stress moderators available to the entire world. We are connected! If you choose to hang out with the wrong people, who encourage negativity, fleshly desires and passions, you are not really connected, since these kinds of relationships disconnect you from the source of the church and your relationship with God. You will not be able to handle the stress effectively in your life and it will strain you. Sin is the single most effective “disconnector” there is. It disconnected us from God!

3- Perspective: This moderator is acquired by wisdom: learning and experience. Christians are the only people in the entire world that have the edge on perspective: We know the TRUTH! Knowing the truth about what will happen to you and what is happening in the spiritual realm around you helps you put in perspective all that happens to you. You know the angels are ministering to you, the Lord is with you, the Holy Spirit helps you and that you are headed for eternity. All the stress added to your life is properly processed when you have the “spiritual insider information” on life. You can take a whack at anything Satan throws your way. Can you image what people do who have no idea of what is really happening to them? I remember what it was like and all it brought me was cynicism, bitterness and anger. I was being consumed by my lack of perspective! A person without perspective drowns themselves in their stress and anxiety. They allow the things of this world to dominate them and make choices for them and disconnect them from the only source of LOVE: the Lord God.

4- Tone: Since we live in a body that is affected by our mental, emotional and spiritual state; the body reacts to stress also. Our bodies are like shock absorbers, taking in the stress and dissipating it in various different ways: heart and respiratory rates, muscle tone, digestive health and chemical balance. If we keep our bodies well maintained, we will handle stress better, allowing us to be conformed unto Christ. Remember the body is a machine. A machine which is not well maintained will break down with stress. You maintain your car and other machines that you may have by oiling and lubricating them, cleaning them and using them. A car that is not used will not be stressed and will break down from lack of use! Likewise the body needs to be exercised, well fed and well maintained. A person who is physically healthy is able to handle tress better than a person whose body has already been affected by stress in a bad way. If your body is run down, it will have an effect on you emotionally, mentally and physically. While you are in your body it is of some value to train it rightly (1 Tim 4:8)!

Anger Management

The three main approaches to anger management are expressing, suppressing, and calming.

Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. Your 4 stress moderators can help you achieve inner peace. When you have peace within, you are more likely to redirect any anger very effectively.

Keeping an Anger Journal

An effective way to deal with controlling your anger is by holding yourself accountable by writing an anger journal. I have kept a journal since 2002. It has 8 entries up to this date. I write the date and time I felt my anger took control over me. I detail the account and write what I should have done and thought differently. I pray about this and beg God to let me pass the test the next time it comes.